November 4th is quickly approaching (does everyone know who they're voting for yet? I already sent in my absentee ballot! woohoo! And no, I'm not going to say who I voted for) and my to-do list is getting shorter. My family helped me out a great deal this weekend by doing the one thing I was dreading. Moving my box-spring up into my bedroom. I moved back in with my mom after graduating law school and taking a job close to her house. Our small cape has a very narrow stairway that is not very accommodating for today's queen size bed. I was able to fit my mattress up the stairs when I first moved in, but not the box spring. Thus, my mattress was always on the floor. Not exactly conducive to getting up and down post-surgery. The options for sleeping arrangements that my mom and I came up with were:
1. Rent a hospital bed and live in our TV room. Again. I hated it the first time around earlier this year and was not looking forward to doing it again. Nope, off the list.
2. Move one of our recliners up into my bedroom so that I could sleep sitting up. But then I wouldn't have it to sit on during the day, and eventually I would want to sleep in my own bed. Nope, off the list.
3. Buy a fold-able Queen size box spring....for $400.00. Ummm...I'm going without a paycheck for an entire month, so $400 during Christmas season is better spent on presents and not a stupid box spring. Nope, off the list.
So, with all those options thrown out, my ingenious mother who has recently found the joy in using the google website (usually for some strange medical symptom that one of us has had in the past six months) googled "fold queen box spring" or "fit huge box spring up tiny stairwell" or something smart and found a way to saw my box spring in half, fold it, bring it upstairs and reassemble it in my room. After a quick phone call to my handy uncle and always helpful sister, my box spring was sawed in half, folded, carried upstairs and put back together. I no longer feel as though I'm living the college lifestyle and am ever grateful to everyone who helped put together the great plan. Of course I was off watching a football game , drinking a beer, trying to enjoy one of my last days of freedom before becoming home bound while all this was going on. Typical.
Monday, October 27, 2008
Wednesday, October 22, 2008
Less than two weeks
Well I'm back from my whirlwind vacation in Napa. I loved every minute of being away. Napa is so beautiful, the wedding was wonderful, and the company kept me laughing the whole weekend. Congratulations to the happy couple, and thank you again for having us all out there.
Its interesting to see how other people have reacted to my news. I have had many close friends and family members immediately email me and call me, offering me support and well wishes. I've also had many friends who I have lost touch with over the years contact me again, which I appreciate infinitely. However, it is the absolute worst feeling to not hear from people who I thought were some of my closest friends. I think people deal with stressful situations differently, and some people may not always know the "right" words to say. However, any showing of care and concern to someone who is going through a difficult time, be it a family emergency, a break up, or a health crisis, is always appreciated. I know everyone seems to be very busy these days and even I am guilty of saying "I'll call or send an email tomorrow." But now that I am on the opposite side of the story I know how important it really is to hear those words of comfort everyday. And being in my situation, where I don't know what will happen during the surgery, every day that I am able to talk to friends and family is cherished. Please make sure that if you know someone who is going through a hard time, to just reach out to that person and say "I'm here, I know it's a hard time, and I'm thinking about you." It really does make a difference.
Its interesting to see how other people have reacted to my news. I have had many close friends and family members immediately email me and call me, offering me support and well wishes. I've also had many friends who I have lost touch with over the years contact me again, which I appreciate infinitely. However, it is the absolute worst feeling to not hear from people who I thought were some of my closest friends. I think people deal with stressful situations differently, and some people may not always know the "right" words to say. However, any showing of care and concern to someone who is going through a difficult time, be it a family emergency, a break up, or a health crisis, is always appreciated. I know everyone seems to be very busy these days and even I am guilty of saying "I'll call or send an email tomorrow." But now that I am on the opposite side of the story I know how important it really is to hear those words of comfort everyday. And being in my situation, where I don't know what will happen during the surgery, every day that I am able to talk to friends and family is cherished. Please make sure that if you know someone who is going through a hard time, to just reach out to that person and say "I'm here, I know it's a hard time, and I'm thinking about you." It really does make a difference.
Sunday, October 12, 2008
Vacation!
I'm spending the weekend preparing for both my trip to California and what I'll refer to as my month long vacation from normal life in November. I bought the new I Pod Nano and spent most of the morning playing with all the cool features. I'm still looking for great song suggestions, especially since this I Pod has a great feature that takes any song in my song library and puts a play list together of other songs. Gotta love technology! I chose pink, of course :)
I'm excited for my trip to California and to spend time with Tim's family. We're going out early Wednesday and will be touring wine country Thursday, going to the rehearsal Friday and wedding Saturday, home on Sunday. I see that its about 79 and sunny every day, so I'm looking forward to the warm weather again.
A lot of people have commented on how well I'm adjusting to the news that I'll be having the surgery. I explain my "comfort" of this news by saying I have lived the past seven years knowing that I will, at some point, have to have the surgery, but never knowing when it would actually take place. Its a strange sort of calm that took over me when I knew the exact date and could actually plan on the surgery happening. A large weight was lifted from my shoulders when I knew it would be this year. I do still have moments of "oh crap, what am I in for?!" but I try to keep my mind occupied with what I have to plan before I am out for a month.
I have also come up with a list of things I would like to do during my recovery period. I know that I may be too tired and not feel well enough to complete these tasks, but it does help knowing that I have some sort of goal while laying around the house. My grandmother made the most wonderful applesauce and I always remember it making me feel good when I was having a bad day. I want to learn to make this applesauce...but don't have the recipe...so if any of my aunts has the recipe, can you please send it to me?
I have also missed out on some pretty great movies that I apparently can't go on living without seeing, so my wonderful boyfriend has offered to host movie nights every night at my house...looking forward to catching up on some classics!
If anyone else has some "low key" suggestions of things I might be able to try in my third and fourth weeks of "hanging around the house" please post them. I might not be up to it, but appreciate any suggestions!
I'm excited for my trip to California and to spend time with Tim's family. We're going out early Wednesday and will be touring wine country Thursday, going to the rehearsal Friday and wedding Saturday, home on Sunday. I see that its about 79 and sunny every day, so I'm looking forward to the warm weather again.
A lot of people have commented on how well I'm adjusting to the news that I'll be having the surgery. I explain my "comfort" of this news by saying I have lived the past seven years knowing that I will, at some point, have to have the surgery, but never knowing when it would actually take place. Its a strange sort of calm that took over me when I knew the exact date and could actually plan on the surgery happening. A large weight was lifted from my shoulders when I knew it would be this year. I do still have moments of "oh crap, what am I in for?!" but I try to keep my mind occupied with what I have to plan before I am out for a month.
I have also come up with a list of things I would like to do during my recovery period. I know that I may be too tired and not feel well enough to complete these tasks, but it does help knowing that I have some sort of goal while laying around the house. My grandmother made the most wonderful applesauce and I always remember it making me feel good when I was having a bad day. I want to learn to make this applesauce...but don't have the recipe...so if any of my aunts has the recipe, can you please send it to me?
I have also missed out on some pretty great movies that I apparently can't go on living without seeing, so my wonderful boyfriend has offered to host movie nights every night at my house...looking forward to catching up on some classics!
If anyone else has some "low key" suggestions of things I might be able to try in my third and fourth weeks of "hanging around the house" please post them. I might not be up to it, but appreciate any suggestions!
Wednesday, October 8, 2008
A Preview of Coming Attactions
When I broke my pelvis back in January (yes it has been a tough year medically for this family, I can't wait for 2008 to be over with!) I never thought I would be glad for the opportunity to see what its like to stay in the hospital and then be on bed rest for an extended period of time. Little did I know back on that fateful night when I fell of the horse I was riding that I was in for a "dry run" of what it will be like when I have my surgery. Granted, I was only in the hospital for two nights and didn't need surgery, but looking back I'm actually glad that I now know what to expect, what to pack for the hospital stay and how my body will react to healing after a traumatic experience.
Back when I was laying in bed, day in and day out, I thought about how the experience was making me mentally and emotionally stronger. I only muttered "why the hell did this happen to me" a few choice times while trying to shuffle around the house with my walker (hey, now I have one for when I'm old and crippled!). I now know that I am a strong person and am looking at my surgery not with dread or trepidation, but rather with an open mind that this will help me in the long run and while it is going to be awful now I know my life will be better in a couple of months.
A wonderful client of mine sent me a book on meditation and mindfulness while I was recovering from the pelvis incident.
Peace is Every Step by Thich Nhat Hanh helped me focus on positive aspects of my life rather than the negative that could creep into my busy mind. While speaking with my therapist this week (I may be strong, but I'm not THAT strong!) he also mentioned meditation and relaxation techniques. He told me that meditation and relaxation are commonly used prior to going through surgery because it better prepares the body for the stress related to the operation. I have always had anxiety and this year's events have not helped me relax at all. I am excited to learn new ways to deal with my anxiety, especially in this preparation time before surgery. Hopefully I'll be able to take the lesson's I'm learning now, and those lessons that I know I will be learning within the next couple months and apply them to my next large life event!
Back when I was laying in bed, day in and day out, I thought about how the experience was making me mentally and emotionally stronger. I only muttered "why the hell did this happen to me" a few choice times while trying to shuffle around the house with my walker (hey, now I have one for when I'm old and crippled!). I now know that I am a strong person and am looking at my surgery not with dread or trepidation, but rather with an open mind that this will help me in the long run and while it is going to be awful now I know my life will be better in a couple of months.
A wonderful client of mine sent me a book on meditation and mindfulness while I was recovering from the pelvis incident.
Peace is Every Step by Thich Nhat Hanh helped me focus on positive aspects of my life rather than the negative that could creep into my busy mind. While speaking with my therapist this week (I may be strong, but I'm not THAT strong!) he also mentioned meditation and relaxation techniques. He told me that meditation and relaxation are commonly used prior to going through surgery because it better prepares the body for the stress related to the operation. I have always had anxiety and this year's events have not helped me relax at all. I am excited to learn new ways to deal with my anxiety, especially in this preparation time before surgery. Hopefully I'll be able to take the lesson's I'm learning now, and those lessons that I know I will be learning within the next couple months and apply them to my next large life event!
Saturday, October 4, 2008
Fall
Its funny what something like facing open heart surgery does to a person. I think I always took fall for granted, probably because I've lived in the same house in the same town and state my entire life. I always enjoyed the leaves turning color, excuses to go shopping for back to school clothes, even long after I was out of school, and the delicious apples we are able to pick around here. 
But I never realized HOW MUCH I love fall and being outdoors until this year. Over the past couple years, throughout law school and in my first two years of practice, I've been so busy that I really hadn't taken the time to truly appreciate all that this area has to offer in terms of fall activities. I have always been a very active person, horseback riding my entire life, hiking with my sister and father during elementary and middle schools, and spending lots of time at my family's lake house. It wasn't until this year that I notice how much I missed all those things. Thankfully, someone has come into my life that has opened my eyes again to all that this area has to offer and I feel like I'm looking at fall through new eyes. A couple of weekends ago I traveled up north towards Watertown, NY and spent the weekend roughing it, hiking, learning to shoot a shot gun, and enjoying the fresh air and quietness. It was a much needed "me" weekend where I was able to reflect on the past year, and the upcoming prospect of surgery. 
It was then that I decided I needed to make the most out of October this year. This weekend I'm excited that the weather is our typical fall weather, crisp air, warm enough to forgo a coat but brisk enough to need long sleeves and a sweater. I'll be going to Indian Ladder farms for apples and cider donuts, of course. 
I'm going to brave the Double M haunted hayrides for the first time, lets hope the 'ole ticker doesn't give out with fright! :) And in a couple weeks I'll be traveling to Napa Valley for a wedding. I have these next five weeks packed with activities but I would love to get together with anyone who wants to before I'm out of commission for a while. I hope you are all enjoying the fall weather as much as I am, and I also hope that you all take a moment in your life to reflect on what is important to you, and make the most out of that one thing. It truly is important to savor what makes us happy.
But I never realized HOW MUCH I love fall and being outdoors until this year. Over the past couple years, throughout law school and in my first two years of practice, I've been so busy that I really hadn't taken the time to truly appreciate all that this area has to offer in terms of fall activities. I have always been a very active person, horseback riding my entire life, hiking with my sister and father during elementary and middle schools, and spending lots of time at my family's lake house. It wasn't until this year that I notice how much I missed all those things. Thankfully, someone has come into my life that has opened my eyes again to all that this area has to offer and I feel like I'm looking at fall through new eyes. A couple of weekends ago I traveled up north towards Watertown, NY and spent the weekend roughing it, hiking, learning to shoot a shot gun, and enjoying the fresh air and quietness. It was a much needed "me" weekend where I was able to reflect on the past year, and the upcoming prospect of surgery. 
It was then that I decided I needed to make the most out of October this year. This weekend I'm excited that the weather is our typical fall weather, crisp air, warm enough to forgo a coat but brisk enough to need long sleeves and a sweater. I'll be going to Indian Ladder farms for apples and cider donuts, of course. 
I'm going to brave the Double M haunted hayrides for the first time, lets hope the 'ole ticker doesn't give out with fright! :) And in a couple weeks I'll be traveling to Napa Valley for a wedding. I have these next five weeks packed with activities but I would love to get together with anyone who wants to before I'm out of commission for a while. I hope you are all enjoying the fall weather as much as I am, and I also hope that you all take a moment in your life to reflect on what is important to you, and make the most out of that one thing. It truly is important to savor what makes us happy.
Wednesday, October 1, 2008
Song Suggestions
One of the best pieces of advice that I have read about online is that bringing an I-pod is a good way to stay distracted from the "hospital feel" of the situation and is also helpful in drowning out the noise.
So I'm asking you all for suggestions of what songs to include on my I-pod! Individual songs, playlists, albums, certain artists that I just can't go without...I'm looking for any type of music. All of your ideas are much appreciated!
Some Gory Details
First I want to thank you all for your wonderful words of support and encouragement. I'm glad that you're taking the time to read about my journey and I hope I'm somewhat entertaining!
So some of you have asked what the surgery will actually entail. This is the post that may not be for everyone to read, as it will contain some graphic descriptions, so if you have a weak stomach, stop reading now and I'll let you know when its safe :)
While my clinic is primarily a research based hospital with a concentration on finding less invasive forms of valve replacement surgery there is no easy way right now to do the valve transplantation. Also, the pulmonary valve is located on the right side of the heart, making it harder to get to. So that all means open heart surgery in order to fix my heart.
My pre-op will begin the day before at 7:30 am (yikes, I'm so not a morning person!) and will go for most of the day. I'll have blood drawn, x-rays taken and the doctors will pretty much get a baseline idea of what my body is doing right before surgery.
The day of surgery I'll go to the hospital and be checked in as an in patient. Then, based on what I've read, I'll be prepped for surgery, given drugs to knock me out and will wake up in intensive care.
During the surgery the surgeon will go in through the scar that I have from my first surgery. Thankfully the scar will not be any larger than what I already have and should heal nicely. My breastbone will be split in half and my chest opened up. My heart will be stopped and my blood will be run out of my body through a heart-lung machine throughout the surgery, oxygenating the blood while they work on my heart. The pulmonary valve, which will be made of either pig or cow tissue, will be inserted. My heart will be re-started and I'll slowly be weaned off the heart-lung machine. They'll close my chest and wire my breastbone shut again (watch out metal detectors!)
When I wake up from surgery I'll still have a breathing tube in because they want to make sure I'll be able to breath on my own. It will be removed when I can prove to the doctor's that I can breath over it. I think that is one of the parts of waking up that I'm looking least forward to. The second is the chest tubes that will be placed below my scar to allow the incision to drain properly. From what I've read its not a pleasant experience to have them removed. I guess I'll find out and report back on that later! I'll be in the intensive care unit immediately following the surgery until the doctors feel my risk of infection is low enough that I can go to the cardiac until. I know that I will be asked to stand and walk around the day after surgery because it promotes healing. They may have to pry me out of that bed though!
Ok safe to read again! :)
While all that I just wrote is fine and dandy I'm fully aware that I won't know the half of what I'm going to have to go through until I'm actually in Boston and getting ready for surgery. I'm surprisingly calm right now and am busy taking care of details so everything is in order before I go in. I also have an amazing support system from my family, Tim and my friends. I also have to shout out my bosses at Berger, DuCharme, Harp & Clark because they have been so understanding of this whole situation. I couldn't ask for better people to work for.
So thats the scoop on the actual surgery. I'll just have to wait and see how it actually goes!
So some of you have asked what the surgery will actually entail. This is the post that may not be for everyone to read, as it will contain some graphic descriptions, so if you have a weak stomach, stop reading now and I'll let you know when its safe :)
While my clinic is primarily a research based hospital with a concentration on finding less invasive forms of valve replacement surgery there is no easy way right now to do the valve transplantation. Also, the pulmonary valve is located on the right side of the heart, making it harder to get to. So that all means open heart surgery in order to fix my heart.
My pre-op will begin the day before at 7:30 am (yikes, I'm so not a morning person!) and will go for most of the day. I'll have blood drawn, x-rays taken and the doctors will pretty much get a baseline idea of what my body is doing right before surgery.
The day of surgery I'll go to the hospital and be checked in as an in patient. Then, based on what I've read, I'll be prepped for surgery, given drugs to knock me out and will wake up in intensive care.
During the surgery the surgeon will go in through the scar that I have from my first surgery. Thankfully the scar will not be any larger than what I already have and should heal nicely. My breastbone will be split in half and my chest opened up. My heart will be stopped and my blood will be run out of my body through a heart-lung machine throughout the surgery, oxygenating the blood while they work on my heart. The pulmonary valve, which will be made of either pig or cow tissue, will be inserted. My heart will be re-started and I'll slowly be weaned off the heart-lung machine. They'll close my chest and wire my breastbone shut again (watch out metal detectors!)
When I wake up from surgery I'll still have a breathing tube in because they want to make sure I'll be able to breath on my own. It will be removed when I can prove to the doctor's that I can breath over it. I think that is one of the parts of waking up that I'm looking least forward to. The second is the chest tubes that will be placed below my scar to allow the incision to drain properly. From what I've read its not a pleasant experience to have them removed. I guess I'll find out and report back on that later! I'll be in the intensive care unit immediately following the surgery until the doctors feel my risk of infection is low enough that I can go to the cardiac until. I know that I will be asked to stand and walk around the day after surgery because it promotes healing. They may have to pry me out of that bed though!
Ok safe to read again! :)
While all that I just wrote is fine and dandy I'm fully aware that I won't know the half of what I'm going to have to go through until I'm actually in Boston and getting ready for surgery. I'm surprisingly calm right now and am busy taking care of details so everything is in order before I go in. I also have an amazing support system from my family, Tim and my friends. I also have to shout out my bosses at Berger, DuCharme, Harp & Clark because they have been so understanding of this whole situation. I couldn't ask for better people to work for.
So thats the scoop on the actual surgery. I'll just have to wait and see how it actually goes!
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